oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
