i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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