Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
