bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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