I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
