I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
