i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
