she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i came on her dog
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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