This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
