Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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