So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
