i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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