i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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