I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I will die if light touches me.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
