have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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