I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
