After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's blow job season.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
