Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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