She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
