ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
