if you like me you must not know who I am
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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