Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
