Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
