When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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