Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
