I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
