Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
