There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
