dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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