I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I believe in your delicious
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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