Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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