I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
