I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I stole a fireplace last night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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