I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
