I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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