Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
