I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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