You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
