Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
