I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
