Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
