I heard we made out
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
