Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
