hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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