I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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