i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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