My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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