kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
