no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
