it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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