i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
