Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
