i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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