Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
