hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
