I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
